4 Simple Rules for Dating

Posted on July 26, 2010


Men like Neil Strauss have called it The Game. The fact that his account of it – detailed over 452 pages like a dater’s tips for dating – has been quickly picked up at bookstores, shows a large majority of men regard the dating game with deadly seriousness. And therein lies the crux of the problem: dating is a sport for most men.

It shouldn’t be. Why should it when chemistry precludes the possibility of a “chase” and there’s no actual running involved, strictly speaking. Dating isn’t aerobics.

No doubt, libraries of books, able to fill entire shelves and sections at your local Borders have been devoted to the rules for dating. I’ve taken the liberty of boiling the essentials down to four simple guidelines.

1. Create the connection
That alchemic quasi-magical concoction of hormones and bone jumping attraction is by and large, 90% of your battle. Once established, your “chase” is pretty much over. Such is its power that those who write dating books basically tell you to mimic and mirror your date in order to create the illusion of chemistry and connection. Truth is, that’s complete hogwash, remember that game we all played when we were five where we aped the actions of people and basically annoyed the beejesus out of the other, that’s going to happen here. Speaking of annoying, nothing bugs her more than loud proclamations of having “a connection”. It’s unnecessary, when you do have it, you’ll both know from mutual shit eating grins and soulful glances.

If I were to boil it down, generating a connection depends on two things: money and success. It’s 2,000 years of evolutionary mate-selection instinct she can’t fight. Don’t own a Bentley or command a battalion of work minions? The surest way to her heart is humour. Be funny, laughter releases endorphins that make her feel closer to you then she really is.

2. Avoid clueless self invitation
This actually happens from either misguided “self-confidence” or erroneous over-confidence. While women are attracted to money, power and/or humour, you could do yourself a lot of damage by offering to fly the both of you to Bali for a holiday, alternatively suggest you have the contacts to get a luxurious villa in Bali or worse, think it’s humorous (or worse, gentlemanly) to offer your services to accompany her to Bali. Don’t do it. There’s a big difference between being confident and being obnoxious. Self invitation is the latter.

3. Be the nice guy. Women love nice guys
They don’t. There’s a fine line between being a doormat and a gentleman, bending over to her every whim doesn’t fulfil the man part of being a gent. Definitely, open doors, pull out chairs, see her home but draw the line at “The toilet’s clogged, could you drop by?” You’re not her maid and most importantly, this isn’t some porno fantasy where toilet unclogging leads to bedroom extra-curricula activities, save the menial labour to the boyfriend or husband stage of the relationship, over commitment at this time just means you’re free transport or labour.

4. Never ask The Question
Can I kiss you? Or Can I be your boyfriend? What are you, 16 years old? That said; do ask if she’s above 16 years old. There’s been a spate of that lately.

This first appeared in August Man. Aside from the Editor’s column, Jonathan Ho heads Augustman.com and writes about luxury watches for the print magazine. August Man and Augustman.com is property of CR Media Pte Ltd. You can visit http://www.augustman.com for stylish men’s fashion, luxury brand and high end watch reviews, travel stories, social commentary, trendspotting and motoring.
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