Dear Mr. Gibson,
I would like to profess my undying love for you, especially now that you have earned your rightful place as Australia’s Next Top Redneck within the hall of shame. Your latest spiel to your ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, calling her a “F—ing pig in heat who risked getting raped by a pack of n—ers,” that was classic Mel, you need to work that in a movie somewhere ASAP.
Also, I adore you for giving me vindication. People believed I was nuts for insisting that rather than a great actor, you were a great man. You spoke volumes with the roles you played, that of Mad Max and LAPD Detective Murtaugh in Lethal Weapon; They weren’t really acting roles because you were really *expletive* off your rocker. Indeed, I’ve noticed that in every single movie, you have a moment where you get to “act” batshit crazy; I applaud you for not letting yourself get sucked into Hollywood self-importance. In this world where everything is fake and based on perception, it takes a great man to openly shout his beliefs even this tirade took place privately.
Additionally, I hope to see more of your directing and writing efforts. No doubt, Passion of the Christ 2 would be an odd movie to make, but I firmly believe in your vision, it could be an action flick where Arabs are the enemy. How awesome would that be? You could systematically spend your millions making 3 hour diatribes on how you hate every single race on the planet, hatred should be spread evenly, you know, just to be fair.
You can do no wrong Mel, can I call you Mel? You are like a consummate script writer. Your dialogue is witty, snappy and leaden with expletives; you are in the same league as another director I admire, Quentin Tarantino.
Nay, I misspoke, you are in a league of your own Mel, Quentin writes fictional narratives but yours is hardcore and spouted in real life. Reality TV is where it’s all at now, you hunk of a visionary.
Lastly, for someone who prides himself on practical jokes and puns (at least according to Wikipedia), you need to take Michael “Kramer” Richards under your wing. No doubt, he has yet to master the unholy pentagram of bigotry like homophobia, anti-semitism, sexism, racism and cruelty to kittens (ok I made that last one up- only so you can sound more awesome Mel), but the world needs more like you, because if anything, rednecks need better representation on TV beyond the likes of the hot looking and loveable Ryan Kwanten.
Your Number One Fan,